Why are oil spills good for us? Jobs, silly. It takes a lot of people to clean off birds and a whole lotta other tainted stuff. Plus, there are already way too many birds and sea life in general. A few less birds and plankton never hurt anybody. And all that other underwater life: Who cares about something that doesn't impact you directly? And, like we don't already have beaucoup fish and plants down there where we really can't see 'em anyway. Out of sight, out of mind. Nothing wrong with that.

Some call it an environmental disaster, but I prefer to call it a gigantic environmental opportunity. We get to see if the aquatic ecosystem ever comes back to life, not worrying all that much if it doesn't because of the amazing research possibilities that will come from it, resulting in yes, even more jobs. I won't go so far as to say oceanographic calamity is a good thing, but it's not that far off.

Also, if you view this titanic oil spill from a glass half-full perspective, we may find that this watershed event will force birds, and all the other aquatic life it has brought to the edge of extinction, to become more hearty. Evolution just may make all these species oil-resistant to future spills. No one talks about this possibility. While you can't say that noxious and gooey Armageddon is a good thing, it still may result in big benefits.

If you are currently suffering from hemorrhoids you probably can't believe that anyone can see a lighter side! At this time, these embarrassing, rather disgusting, very uncomfortable and often painful swollen veins can only be all bad! When you're suffering with indignity and discomfort, being the butt of a hemorrhoid joke is just adding insult to injury. It is said that you know you're "middle aged" when hemorrhoid jokes stop being funny.

However the following are just some lighter side stories that may help you feel better or, at least, make you understand that your affliction has a wide variety of interest and that you are in the company of many famous people.

The Hemorrhoids are a rock band. Imagine the introduction "ladies and gentlemen put your hands - er, cheeks - er, no, hands together for the pride of Lawrence, Kansas, The Hemorrhoids!" Although their mothers must be proud I'm sure that when you listen to them on YouTube, and depending on your age and "musical" appreciation, it will be a toss up on whether the band or the condition is more painful.